FA!!!!

Amongst my autism mommies, we have a saying, "FA".  Really, it more than a saying. It is a battle-cry to war, a scream of pain sent to God or a sad lamentation of pain. 

See, FA stands for F-Autism.  And substitute that F for the real word.  And there you arrive at the heart of FA.

And today, it is all of the above for me.  Today, we reached the day when Amanda's developmental pediatrician looked at me and gently said, "We have now reached the point where we need to discuss medication...."

Amanda has seen this doctor since he diagnosed her with Autism at 29 months old.  And at each appointment, it was always "Keep doing what you are doing....".  Now, what we are doing is not enough.  Granted, he said that if we had not been doing everything we had been, she would have arrived at this point earlier than today.  That we still need to continue doing it with the medication but she needs help.

Basically, her anxiety and her attention issues have gone beyond her control.  She is ending up being removed from class and it effecting her grades in school.  Her anxiety is causing her to not sleep.  She has nightmares all the time and gets up at 2:30-3:30.  Sometimes she comes into our room, other times she goes downstairs by herself.

I do feel quite a bit of guilt here.  I have both anxiety issues and ADHD.  And it seems that I have passed both of these curses onto both of my girls....... I know that anxiety and ADHD are the jelly to the peanut butter sandwich that is Autism, but I predisposed her to this in the first place.

So now we are starting her on an anti-anxiety medication.  I was given the choice between that or ADHD medication.  My fear with the ADHD medication is that they are stimulants and will cause appetite suppression.  Amanda cannot stand to lose any weight.  She will be 7 in July and only weighs about 40lbs.  The other is that they can also cause anxiety.  So my thought is to treat the anxiety first.   He agreed.  Once she is up to a good dose with the anti-anxiety meds, then we will have to start the ADHD.

And now I start the harrowing road of treating my child who cannot tell me of any side effects with medications that cause LOTS of side effects.  And trying to find the best balance of these medications.  All while watching her like a hawk for side effects.

So please join me in screaming "FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA"



Amanda sitting on a pony for the first time ever at the Imagine Walk for Autism Project of RI